Sunday Scribblings...

Why I live where I live


I live in Seattle. This is the second time I’ve lived here. I moved here for the first time in ‘97 with a girl friend. We had come up for a visit once over spring break and fallen in love with the vibrant city. It was the early 90’s and Seattle was deep into its grunge rock hay day. There were so many great venues to see live music and so many fantastic bands! It felt so magical to me. It was an amazing time to be young, free and living in Seattle.

Seattle, as you may know, is also the home of the latte. In the early 90’s Starbucks had yet to invade every city in the nation. I had gone on a cross-country trip with some friends the year before and I couldn’t find a latte in the heartland to save my life! In Seattle not only were there several Starbucks to choose from, there was (and is) Tully’s, Seattle’s Best and more assorted random individual coffee houses than you can count.

If coffee and music isn’t your thing, there is always the beer. The Northwest is full of amazing micro brews. Need I say more??

I met my husband here in 97, almost right after I moved here. We spent the first four years of our relationship here and then moved to Colorado for my husband’s residency. I hated living in Denver and couldn’t wait to get back to Seattle. We moved back at the end of June of this year after a four-year absence for him to do his infectious disease fellowship and get his masters in public health.

I know when people think about Seattle on of the first thing that comes to mind is the rain. I think about how beautiful it is here on sunny days. It is amazing, the white-topped mountains surrounding the city, the sound and the lakes and the green everywhere! Oh and the long summer days!! It was light out today from 6 to 9 and it isn’t even June yet!

Seattle is the home of grunge, Starbucks, coffee houses, micro brews, Costco, Microsoft and the dot.com world. There are enough fantastic restaurants here to eat out for breakfast lunch and dinner for a month and not have a bad meal.

If you don’t mind a little rain, I can’t imagine a better place to live!!

Grateful Friday…er…Saturday

I am so full of gratitude that I am going to write my grateful Friday, even though it’s Saturday!!

• I am grateful that I finally got my computer back from my husband who had been using (and by that I mean hogging) it for the majority of the week!

• My beautiful new weeping cherry tree for the front yard and the other assorted plants as well! I am trying to create a magical garden and a place to spend time complete with waterfall into a pond, mosaic stepping stones, blown glass candle holders for the flower beads and many other magical little touches. A great place for our mini art fests!


• The most fabulous in-laws in the world! The have taken my son to the Zoo for a class on the animals of Madagascar, to a baseball game and then to dinner and to spend the night. I am enjoying a blissful day TO MYSELF!!

• I can spend as much time in my studio on my very own time line today, a rare treat and a much-needed one too. I am feeling so very behind in my commissions and for my show, I am really nervous about it so today is a lifeline!


• That there are those among you willing to take the Simple Steps with me!! Here’s to getting control instead of being controlled!

• My son had his very first T-ball game last night. It was so hysterical to watch, kids forgetting to run after batting, ten kids running after the same ball and ending up in a huge pile, how huge all their heads looked in the batting helmets with their skinny little bodies. It was a touch of pure sweetness and humor. A great way to spend an evening!


• I figured out the next painting in the series for me show and am excited to get going on it! This is HUGE for me people!

• I have so many hobbies and things I enjoy doing, I am never bored. Overwhelmed yes but never bored!

• I am so grateful for my life. Today I feel happy, content, optimistic and in love with life. I have energy, I feel healthy and I love so many people and so many things.

I hope everyone else is feeling an emotional lift today as well!

It's the Simple Things

It'’s the simple things in life that really move you. The way ice-cream tastes on a hot day, the spring flowers beginning to sprout in the garden, a sunny day after a week of rain, the unexpected thoughtful gesture of a stranger, a walk on the beach with a girl friend. Yes, it'’s the simple things in life that really matter.

It's time to put the simple things to work. I am hoping they can also help me to better manage my out of control to do list. Like so many women juggling family, career, home and hearth I get overwhelmed. In part, this is do to my need for perfection in all areas of my life. While I understand intellectually that it is impossible to actually be perfect, it doesn'’t stop me from killing myself in its pursuit. I try to keep the dishes done, laundry washed and put away, meals made from scratch with healthy ingredients, my son properly challenged and exposed to many things, my paintings perfect and well thought out...phew...I'm exhausted just writing about it.

Thank goodness for girlfriends. My dear friend Beth always tells me to learn to be comfortable with mediocrity. She'’s a PhD Psychology so she outta know right?? Alas, you can't change your nature, so I strive on!

I was recently staying with another dear friend of mine, Kristen, who is caught in the same hamster wheel I am. In fact, I think she is even harder on herself than I am. I didn'’t think it was possible but after a week of close observation, I have to admit she has trumped me. However there is hope, she has found a tool that we both hope will help. A book written by busy successful women, trying to manage crazy new millennium lives written to and for their sisters in the struggle. It is called Simple Steps:10 weeks to getting control of your life. Sounds good, simple even. Kristen'’s life coach recommended it to her. The authors suggest having a community of women do it together so she asked if I wanted to join her in taking the steps. I have a new plan.



Now, I don't have the book yet so I am not sure what these simple steps entail. However, I know some of the things I'd like to be a little more consistent with. Yesterday I decided to get a jump start on the plan, it'’s never to soon to start and healthy habits are always a good idea right?? So, I woke up at 6 and did a very long workout complete with 30 min of cardio and 45 of weights. Something I have not done in a LONG time. Then got my son fed, watered and off to school. Went off to the store and bought tons of fruits, veggies and healthy food. I went to bed feeling great, proud of myself even!

Then I woke up.

I could barley move! It hurt to sit down on the toilet to pee, the stairs killed my hamstrings, and even my neck hurt. This I believe is a lesson being taught to me by the law of natural consequences. SLOW DOWN they are saying. I remember many conversations with Beth, full of good advice and sweet friendship. Reminding me I don't have to do it all.
Ok, so I am trying to listen, slow down, and take the Simple Steps as they come.

If anyone else is interested in doing it let me know, the power of female bonding might just help us all succeed in getting out of the hamster wheel.

Home sweet home

I am having a love affair with my house. After another week away (went down to the SF Bay Area for my granny’s 88th Birthday and family reunion), it all feels new again. I am loving the colors of my walls and the fact that each room is different, the spring flowers popping up, my bright green kitchen, the way the morning light falls through the blue curtains and casts shadows on the art work in the living room, and my yummy bed. Ahhhhh, it’s good to be back!!

I feel roots sprouting and the need to be here for at least a month with no trips is overwhelming. I find myself fantasizing about cleaning, organizing, de-cluttering, gardening and last but in no way least, spending time in my beloved studio. I am dying to paint!!! How great is that?? I had been feeling a bit overwhelmed which always turns to staring around not knowing where to begin and then about three levels of crap on the way down to self loathing. It’s important to understand your cycles ☺

I got home last night and went out to dinner with my son and in-laws. It was a gorgeous day, blue skies, green plants, white-topped mountains and the water just amazing. Anyone that has been to Seattle on a clear spring/summer day knows it is tough to beat! We went to a restaurant on the water and sat outside drinking wine and catching up.

After dinner I went with my father-in-law to see Davis Sedaris. He writes for The New Yorker and has several books of short stories about his life, he is brilliant!! It was so good to laugh for almost two hours; we should all spend more time laughing. One of his stories pushed the boundaries of my comfort zone with my father-in-law. He is a wonderful man, the picture of class and elegance and I don’t think I have ever heard him use a curse word (V unlike me I am ashamed to report). David broke into a story about a NY cabbie and used the word F**k about 20 times and in many of it’s glorious versions and even worse….GULP…Pu**y! Is it hot in here??? Profanity and sex stories aside, it was a great evening. After the show we went for Martinis and talked about how great we think Sedaris is and politics. He is deepening my political understanding. Being the son of a Senator and an extremely well educated man, I feel lucky to have him as a resource.

I know there are a fair few writers in this beautiful blog tribe so I want to pass along a book Davis Sedaris recommended, Who Do You Love by Jean Thompson. It is a book of short stories and he said she is a master storyteller. He said he didn’t know her just was a huge fan of her writing.


Ok, this is getting long so I am going too respond to my beautiful Bohemian Girl’s tag to spill 10 beans. Sorry to take so long to get to it!

1. I am a perfectionist and a procrastinator, how do I manage it??

2. I created the family I wish I had grown up with by selecting remarkable friends.

3. I love that processed nacho cheese food. A fact that my husband still finds hilarious as I typically eat organic fruits and veggies.

4. I’ve been a vegetarian since I was 13.

5. I think I’m taller than I really am, I’m 5’4’’ and feel closer too 5’ 8’’. My husband says it’s because all of my friends are short.

6. I really want to go to China, India, Morocco, and Egypt.

7. My grandmother is from Shanghi, making me ¼ Chinese.

8. I love to watch my son sleep.

9. I am a city girl.

10. I get impatient when people play the victim.

Grateful Friday

• The public library, I am currently having an affair with the brand new, beautiful public library in my neighborhood. The building is just beautiful; it’s made of wood, steel, and rock and has a grass roof. They had artists coordinate with the architects to build art into the building. It is beautiful and a great place to hang out and write or sketch people without their knowing it. I have been ordering books and book tapes by the load!!

• My husband’s Tutu, which is Hawaiian for grandma. She lived in Hawaii when my husband was growing up so we all call her Tutu. My husband lived in London and would spend summers in Hawaii with her. Not to shabby. Anyway, she is brilliant!! She is brave, loving, generous, kind, funny, spirited, intelligent and supportive. I am so lucky to have married into her family!


• My studio outside in my soon to be wonderful backyard (am in the process of landscaping it complete with waterfall into pond). I think that might show up on every grateful post I write. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for it. I had a studio downtown in the hip art area; it was expensive, impossible to park, smaller, and too dangerous to be there alone late at night. I am so grateful for my little oasis right out my back door!

• Meeting Liz and deciding to start our own mini art fest here once a month. It was wonderful to meet someone and feel a connection right away…a nice side effect of blogging, we had a head start. It was such a gift to take some of this cyber support and bring it into the “real” world! Any of you beauties that are in the Pacific Northwest, or want to come visit (Denise!) are welcome!!

• The camaraderie of women. I think women working together, supporting and inspiring one another can accomplish anything!! I am so grateful for all the wonderful and amazing women in my life.

• The flowers popping up in my garden and elsewhere around town.

• Laini being so kind too write me a generous and helpful email and invite me to a Children’s Book meeting despite my inexperience. Can’t wait to meet you!

• My mom for all her help sewing!!! She is the original, and much nicer, Martha Stewart.

• My in-laws for taking my son on a train trip to Canada this week. Ever since we came back from England my son has been obsessed with and missed riding trains. He was SO excited to go he didn’t sleep the night before.

• That I get to have a day FOR ME today! I am heading downtown to get a haircut, sit in one of my favorite coffee shops and read and write, people watch (one of my favorite things), go by the British import shop and buy a box of 40 PG tips for $10…scandalous! Go too the Market and buy flowers (they have HUGRE bouquets foor really cheap) and meet my sister for dinner and a movie.

I hope you all have a wonderful, magical day too!!!

How I spent my day!

Here are a few of the necklaces I made using the gifts from Tutu (Hawaiian for grandma). It was great fun to put these together and just PLAY! I am a bad photographer with my digital camera so sorry about the fuzzy quality of the photos :(

The beads are so beautiful!! I am going to keep one and wear it with this dress I made for summer. It looks way more shiny in this picture than it really is. I will be adding quite a few dresses and little summer tops soon. I have been a busy bee!


Here are two more paintings too...almost done, finally!

A new way to play

My husband’s grandmother is am amazing lady!! She is almost 85 years old and a complete firecracker. She has lead an amazing life and been EVERYWHERE. This is a woman with out prejudice or judgments. She has friends all over the world from Afghanistan to Ethiopia to Hong Kong. She posed naked for me two years ago for a series I was working on about societies ideas of beauty. She is a rock star!!!

Her home looks like a museum, full of odds and ends collected over a lifetime of travel. She has this amazing butterfly candleholder in her house. It is about four feet tall and made of black iron with amazing details all the way up the sides. It has a huge butterfly on the top that sits, wings spread wide, behind where the candle sits. I remarked how much I liked it and asked her where she got it. She then proceeded to tell me about walking trough the red light district (before there were red lights) in Bangkok and seeing them in all the prostitutes’ windows. They used to use them to let customers know if they were, uh…occupied. When the butterfly is facing out towards the window they are available, facing in and candle towards the window, busy. She thought the candleholders beautiful, so she knocked on the door and asked if she could buy it.

She has about a thousand stories like that, being in Africa and trading her Hawaiian muumuu for beaded necklaces and traditional fabrics, flying to Morocco and buying a beaten up RV and driving around Northern Africa for 8 months….I could go on and on.

Over her travels she has collected an amazing amount of jewelry from around the globe. She has been dealing in rare and antique beads and jewelry for years and years, she started collecting in the 40’s. She has amazing things; my current favorite is a pre-Columbian necklace that is well over 500 years old and WAY out of my price bracket!! She lent it to me to wear for a day…I felt like Frieda Kahlo, it was great!

She called me the other day and said she had something for me. So, I packed lunch, grabbed my son and went for a visit. Always an amazing experience! She said she wanted to give me some great beads that “will be in all the big stores this season with less quality, fake beads. Here are some real ones and here’s what you do” She rocks!

I have been struggling and I guess needing a break from painting for a few days to let the dust settle. So, I am playing with these beautiful beads (they are made of all kinds of cool natural stuff, shell, bone, wood, semi precious gems, nuts etc), sitting in bowls my amazing husband bought while teaching in Malaysia…I am having fun and letting go. It is funny how life provides you what you need when you least expect it.

Walking the fence

Sometimes I feel like I am walking a fence in my career. The fence I refer to here is the one that separates the two very different worlds of illustration and “fine art”. (For me it is more, it is illustration, clothes and other products…anything I enjoy!) Can you serve two masters? I get hung up on this question and then I get stuck. I feel like I am less of a painter because I am drawn to other things as well.

I appreciate both disciplines and am drawn to work in both but I’m not sure how to precede, how to marry the two. When I was in school, these different camps did not agree on much. In fact they seemed to flat out not like or respect each other. I personally found that sad and took classes in both, had friends in both and enjoyed them both. I try to use them to fill different artistic needs and flex different artistic muscles. Sometimes you want to work on your paintings; sometimes you want to do things that are more illustrative. It is great to have both in my opinion.

I have been holding back attempting to pursue illustration jobs for several reasons. First, I am shy about self-promotion. I HATE that about myself but there it is. I need to get over it but that is easier said than done. Second, I am afraid how it will impact my standing with galleries. Perhaps this is a foolish thing to consider but in an industry that loves to label it scares me.

The world of fine art, which I am much more familiar with, has so many rules and judgments. I feel like if I do certain things I am going to isolate myself from this branch of my career. That scares me because I really value being able to show in galleries and hope to do much more of it! To take that portion as far as I can.

That said I also want to increase my income, work in different types of artistic venues and feel like I am listening to all my artistic voices. I guess I am trying to find my niche.

I know I should just let go and make my art. Be true to my vision. Try not to think about how it will be received, who will see it, if they like it, will it sell? These thoughts can get you stuck in your studio afraid to DO anything. Conversely, if you don’t consider the end result, you end up with tons of work in your studio and no food on your table. You see how I chase my tail around here.

I think that is where I have been…HIDING! I have had such a hard year (losing my dad, moving cross country, learning about moving to Africa, and trying to really figure out my career goals) that I think I have been hiding in my studio just working and licking my wounds. I think un-consciously I thought if I just worked hard it would work itself out. That somehow the answer would just come to me. It really hasn’t worked that way.

The amazing, wonderful and talented Laini said to me, “So much depends on luck, but I have found, for myself, that we have to make that luck.”. Well, it is time for me to get out there and try to do just that. Forget the fears, insecurities and potential results. Just make my art, listen to my inner voices and hop down off the fence onto my very own path.

If any of you have thoughts, ideas, advice I’d love to hear it!!! Does anyone else struggle with this??

Grateful Friday

This week has been pure crap. I have had a bad attitude, a cold, PMS and entirely too much to do. Given this, I am thinking it is the perfect time for a Grateful Friday post. I am trying to turn things around.

I am hoping by listing out some of the good things, I can begin to refocus my attentions onto them. Sometimes you have to fake it first then you begin to feel it for real…right??

So, here’s to focusing on the many brilliant aspects of life, here goes.

I am thankful for all the wonderful spring flowers in all the gardens around my house and the ones all over inside my house ☺

The extra long days of the Pacific Northwest Spring and Summer. They have begun! In the summer it is light until about 10:30, it’s fabulous!!

I am thankful for a colleague of my husband’s help in making connections in Kampala, Uganda. He is introducing me to a woman from Belgium that runs a clinic for women infected with HIV/Aids. They take a holistic approach to healing and the women make art, clothes and other things to help fund the clinic. There may be a role for me to play when I get there which would be fantastic!!

I am thankful Denise have found peace and is feeling supported by those that love and care for her.

I am thankful that we have a three-week European trip coming up this June.

I am so thankful for all of my mom’s help with sewing and gardening and a zillion other things.

I am thankful for so many wonderful, inspirational and supportive friends. Most of them live in other states and countries but I am so grateful to have their touch and example in my life.

My new Karen Ann CD and that I still understand the French on it.

Candles, aromatherapy, bubble baths and the occasional brainless chic-lit book.

My studio, my own private sacred space to play, spill, create, hide, be raw, inspire, let go, develop, grow and explore.

My wonderful, magic, handful, and miracle, my son. A thousand times my son…

That everyone I love is healthy!

This wonderful group of bloggers that have become a source of support, friendship, kinship, inspiration and humor.

Ok, I feel better! I am going to go make a margaritas with this amazing Tequilla and flower liquor we got in Mexico, simply the best, and that outta help push me the rest of the way over the ledge. The clouds are parting.

A little rant, rave and flowers

I wish I could learn to live in a hovel. That stacks of papers on every surface, dishes in the sink, and piles of clothes scattered about did not drive me crazy. It would save me hours of time and many many arguments with my husband.

My husband has NO problem living like a pig. His four years of dwelling in an Ivy League fraternity were in fact training for it. I am sure of all the things he learned in college this is the skill he has perfected and applies most routinely. For an idea of what I am up against here, Animal House was based on his college. Nice.

Today ladies I am feeling frustrated with the plight I share with so many women…unequal delegation of responsibilities. I am also feeling highly frustrated (like up to my eyeballs) with the lack of respect and general understanding of what being self-employed is really like!! Not just self-employed, but an artist no less, how self-indulgent.

My husband seems to think I have hours of “free time during the day”…uh, come again??? I drop my son off at school at 9 and have to pick him up at 3. Which means I have between the hours of 9:30 and 2:30 to work, and that is if no one interrupts me, my husband has no errands needing running etc….

In addition, because of my son’s special needs, I have been helping out in the classroom three days a week from 9:30 – 11:00, which means on those days I have 3.5 hours.

So, ok, lemme just list SOME of the tings I have going:

Taking care of the house, (that means ALL the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping…ALL OF IT!)

My son’s daily care and activities (which include, piano, guitar, Spanish, Science, T-ball, and drama. PHEW…I know but he just can’t get enough. He requires a lot of stimulation. I require wine.)

My career (which includes painting for shows, painting commissions, sewing clothes, marketing, business groups, correspondence etc….)

I am aware I am on a bit off a self-pitting rant here. I know I have some control and choices…blah blah blah..I just need to be pissed off for a minute. I hope you will excuse me, I am feeling like I need to get it out of my body before my head pops off in utter frustration!!

So, today I am preparing cocktail hour for my husband’s colleagues tonight. Another reason for the vent, have to be over it by 5:30 when guests arrive. So, when I was at the store shopping for food and ALCHOL, I also picked up $70 worth of flowers for every room I am in today and made a hair apt for next week!

Don't get mad, get even right?

PS: Sorry for not posting some beautiful bit of poetry!

self portrait Tuesday

I love that the theme for Self Portrait Tuesdays is time; the possibilities are infinite like time itself. It has caused me to ponder things I might not have thought about otherwise. Each week I think of something in my life that has been changed, shaped and/or influenced by time.

This week I was thinking about friendships. How, if we are lucky, they grow over time as we grow deepening their roots and spreading their branches. I am feeling particularly lucky to have so many amazing, awe inspiring, inspirational and talented women in my life. My cup runneth over.

The beautiful Denise at Bohemian Girl Designs is one of these women. Her lovely husband has been helping me with my website, check him out at fractaltree.com. This week he helped me to launch my boutique. There are tons more updates coming soon, many summer dresses and tops and other fun goodies, so please check back soon.

I sent the updated site and new boutique out to friends, family and friends-like-family and their support has been breath taking. I am so grateful and honored to know so many people doing amazing things, saving lives, making significant art, working to develop new meds. I am often amazed they let me run in their pack!

As I have shared before, I battle confidence issues so to have such an outpouring of well wishes has been a real life-line in a nerve racking time. Thank you to you all. I love you and will forever cherish you all!