Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Abre los Ojos

I have been feeling a lot lately. Feeling sick, feeling overwhelmed, feeling hopeful, feeling confused. In truth, for the first time in a long time, I don’t know exactly where I am, emotionally, at the moment.

What I do know is that December was full of emotional upheaval for us. It looked like all our plans were going to fall through and we were forced to sit and wait for answers that were beyond our control. It made me take a serious look at what I wanted and reassess my commitment to our plans for the future. It was illuminating if not exhausting.

The result of December’s stress is that I have spent the majority of January ill. I have been sicker that I have been in ages. I am pretty drained emotionally and physically, which makes it hard to get an accurate read on my emotions.

I was watching the movie Vanilla Sky from my sick bed today (one of my favorite movies despite the fact that Tom Cruise is in it). One of the central themes of the movie is that of “the bitter and the sweet”. The idea that one does not appreciate the sweet things in life without also having experienced the sour.

One of my favorite books, The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran addresses that theme as well in the portion about joy and sorrow. He writes. “ The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain”.

I genuinely believe that this is true. I think right now I am experiencing some growing pains and fear related to some things that are also my greatest joys. I am a bit mentally and emotional scattered right now but some how on the horizon I can see clarity coming. I think I am getting back to a place where I can figure it all out. I am beginning to open my eyes.


Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

You look so mysterious and beautiful here.

Love the makeup and hair combo-sexy mamma.

As you know i feel sick too. In some ways probably for similar reasons just about different details.

Love you honey.

Hope you feel better and get some clarity on what is going on (detail wise).


4:05 PM  
Anonymous ceanandjen said...

You may be sick, but goodness you are gorgeous none-the-less!!! I hope that this place of clarity graces you with it's presence soon and that you are feeling well and peaceful very quickly. I will be thinking of you and wishing these things and more.

love to you

6:43 PM  
Blogger Boho Girl said...

wow, Leth...this is one of my very favorite pictures of you. i am going to frame it, so can you email it to me?

gorgeous you.

i am in the same space my love.

lets talk soon.

love you,

7:53 PM  
Blogger Susannah said...

i love Vanilla Sky (and yes, like you, despite the midget) - we must watch it together when you come to London :-)

and can i say, once more for the record, that your new hair colour ROCKS!

love you xxoo

8:46 AM  
Blogger maryelizabeth said...

i wish i was in my bed watching vanilla sky right now.

i hope you start feeling better soon.

10:52 AM  
Blogger Alex aka Gypsy Girl said...

I love the quote “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain”. I'm feeling overwhelmed and scattered as well. Must be the full moon coming up...Feel better...

12:14 PM  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

yep, i love the hair! really, really love the hair!

girlfriend, be gentle with yourself as you are healing...and as you wait for what you need to unfold..

ps--i LOVE vanilla sky...saw it in the theater 3 times...heehee...

i can just hear penelope cruz's soft, accented voice saying 'open your eyes'

12:24 PM  
Blogger Georgia said...

Grrr!!! Blogger ate my comment!

The short version of what I said is this:

I love your hair! I love Vanilla Sky, HATE Tom Cruise... And I have been feeling the same emotional tiredness and confusion lately... I think it is something to do with it being a new year.

Also I think that learning the guitar at the same time sounds fun! *smile*


12:47 PM  
Blogger luzie said...

Oh there is so much truth in the 'The Prophet'. It's one of my favourites, too, and I hope that you will see a little more clearly soon. Thinking of you. xo

(And I also love your new hair colour!)

1:16 PM  
Blogger bb said...

*I was watching the movie Vanilla Sky from my sick bed today (one of my favorite movies despite the fact that Tom Cruise is in it).*

LOL - that's EXACTLY how I feel about the film too. I think it might be better then the original ;-)

Sorry to hear you have been in such a fug with your sickness - it sounds like you've managed to be creative with the time you've had to think, though. Hope the clarity you crave is close....

(P.S. Love your sultry brunette hues too - but I would think that, wouldn't I? ;-)

6:44 AM  
Blogger Frida World said...

Yes - the bitter and the sweet - the confusion before the deeper level of clarity, yes, yes, yes.

Susannah wrote last week about remembering to acknowledge her own barvery for peeling back the layers. Ignoring the mixed feelings can be tempting, but you are courageous as well as beautiful (great photo!) and so you dive down under that surface and find this turbulence and ambiguity.

Sending you my love and support til you surface - this bloggy world was such an incredible support when I started to sink too deply into my depression last month, I want to share that love.


5:25 AM  

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