Saturday, July 29, 2006

Uganda Phase 1, part 2


I am continuing to try to process this change. Each day, I come a little closer to acceptance and an unexpected emotion I am beginning to recognize as, excitement?

This week my focus has had to be primarily on getting the finishing touches on my show complete. However, I have made a promise to myself to do a little each week to prepare and investigate what lies ahead.

I am beginning to be able to see myself in Uganda and I hope that my plans manifest into reality the way I see them. I am hoping divide my time between two things; first volunteering at a clinic that works with women and children with HIV and Aids. Second to start a clothing line.

I have been designing and sewing clothes for my website for the last year. I have always loved clothes and see it as another extension of my artwork. I have intentionally kept it very small, a secondary activity to painting. However, I think it is time for a change.

Once in Uganda I think it might be a great way to help people, provide me with a creative outlet and community and help support the local economy. I am going to hire a few women to make clothes with me. One of Uganda’s main exports is textiles. I am hoping to use some of their traditional fabrics in new and modern designs as well as design my own fabrics. I am really excited about this idea!!

I am planning to pay fair trade in the hopes that it will provide women with a good income of their own and hopefully allow for independence and a better life. In addition, I hope to donate a large amount of the profits to help built shelters for the children in the north. I wrote about them here, http://lethasandison.blogspot.com/2006/05/sunday-scribblings-three-wishes.html

So, this week I begun looking into grants for businesses that support and boost African economy, found an international lawyer to assist me in setting up the legalities, and have been nagging my husband to bring me in March so I can really understand wwhhat needs to happen. It is beginning to feel like a reality!! Do any of you have any ideas and/or advice???
Wish me luck!!!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Self portrait Tuesday






This is a self portrait of hope. Hope that this show goes well, that the journey of painting these is closing wounds and opening doors. I am hopeful that by releasing these paintings to the world I am releasing the pain. It is about endings and moving on to new beginnings.

I put the timer on my camera and let it take snaps while I worked. This is a day in my life. Wake up, throw my hair back, wash my face, grab tea and water and head out to the studio. No getting dressed up, no one to interact. Just me.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Sunday Scribblings- Theif

It was a great black shapeless thing. If the moon was full and the light hit it just right, you could see through it and what you saw inside, well there are no words for. Most people that looked upon it did not recognize it as a being. They thought it was a trick of the night, if they thought anything about it at all. You see most of the people who saw it were sleeping and when they weren’t sleeping they were preoccupied. They were people with dreams; dreams for the future, dreams for their families and dreams of pure fancy.

Now, it is important to understand there are two types of dreamers and they are really quite the opposite of one another. There are those that spin their realities from their dreams, beautifully and smoothly as a silk worm weaves her thread. They understand that life is a great fabric woven of our dreams coming into reality. All you need to do is believe in this truth and walk confidently along the path you chose. The path you dream.

Understand that we spin our lives as we move along and you can create beauty as easily as you can create fear.

There are many more of the other types of dreamers; they are people with big dreams who also have big fears. Fear that their dreams will not come true, fear that they are not good enough to achieve them or unworthy to receive them. It was upon these people that it fed.

It could sense these people easily, that is after all what is was created to do. He knew what he was doing when He made it. Quietly it would steal into the room of the sleeping dreamer, whispering its poison into their ears as they slept.

It would whisper all the black words that were created by Him to feed fear and blow them like smoke into the ear of the sleeper. The words would take root in the heart and mind of the dreamer and spread taking over the space inside. The problem is that dreams can’t live in a place that is full of black smoke. They need clear blue skies and light in which to grow. So, when the smoky black words would slip in one ear, sure enough few seconds later the sweet smelling silvery dreams would flee out the other ear. The black creature would be waiting to suck them into its great big hole of a mouth. At least it is mouth-like in that it feeds on dreams and is in the top of its head. No one really knows if it has a true mouth.

Now because there are so many more fearful dreamers, the monster got bigger and bigger as he filled up with his stolen treasures. He became so large one night (he had been greedily stealing more dreams than usual) that he didn’t blend in with the shadows of the night quiet as easily. Being greedy, he stole into one more room and crept over to the sleeper. It was a little boy, who as it turns out, was not asleep at all.

The boy rolled over and looked at the creature. He sat up and stared at it with his clear blue eyes. He was not afraid. He saw into the creature and was not scared by what he saw inside it with the dreams of others. The creature found this impossible to bear. He felt sick to his stomach under the boys gaze. The dreams, sensing the creatures hold on them weakening, began to push and fly about wildly inside.

The creature slid backward a bit as the boy sat watching it. The great mouth opened and out flew the silvery dreams. The boy watched as they flew out, silver smoke at first and as they moved away from the creature they began to take shapes. All different kinds of things were being set free. Some were animals like horses, dolphins and dogs. There were boats, cars, clothes, food, and finally he saw the shapes of people. The creature had tried it’s hardest to hold onto them. There were babies, children and grown-ups in police uniforms and doctor’s coats. The boy went to the window and watched the silvery shapes fly through the sky and dancing in the moonlight. At last they sped off in all different directions.

The boy knew they were going back to the people who needed them. Just like he knew that they represented the hearts desires of their owners. Dreams of parenthood, having a loyal friend, learning to play, finding a career that would bring fulfillment. The boy understood what each shape had meant. He was a very wise and special little boy. He stood at the window until the last of the silvery shapes trails had disappeared into the night and he turned.

He looked to the wall where the creature still hovered. It was small, shrunken and looked empty, except for the wickedness inside. The boy smiled walked over to it and smiled right at the creature. The creature had never been smiled at before; it found it could not move. The boy reached out his hand and laid it on the creature, and then he moved back a little.

They creature began to shrink, smaller and smaller until finally he disappeared with a tiny pop.

They boy walked back to his bed and this time he really did go to sleep.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Phase I part I


Sometimes the only thing to do is stop running, turn, and bravely take the bull by the horns. For me, planning and ACTION help me to feel, heck I’ll just admit it, in control. I am aiming to be as prepared as possible for this new journey. So, I went and bought some books on Uganda (hard to find), Eastern Africa and some maps of Uganda.

Knowledge is power!!

Our life in Uganda is beginning to take shape in my minds eye. I am grateful for that.

I am beginning to research grants for businesses in Africa. I am hopeful I can create something that will give me a sense of purpose, a creative outlet, and allow me to help the community. I will share more as it unfolds.

I am going to try to convince my husband that I should go with him for the month of March. He will go alone in September and I would like to return with him on his next trip. I think it would help me to understand what I am undertaking and allow me to more accurately plan. I can see what resources are available to me in Kampala and what I will need to try to bring with me. He is worried about spending the $2000 for an extra ticket when, “I will be there in a few more months anyway”. I see it a little differently, I see it as an opportunity to be prepared and hit the ground running rather than having to take some time researching when I get there. I will continue to work on him.

I think it will help to chronicle our journey here. So, this is Phase 1, the planning and preparation phase. Over the next year, I will share the process as I try to mentally, emotionally, and physically plan to move my family, career and life to Uganda.

The Image is barrowed from www.Uganda.de and is of Lake Mutanda bei Kisoro

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Poetry Thursday


This week has been spent in the company of the painful emotions involved in parting, closures and endings. I know there are several of you working with and surmounting the same types of feelings. I ame across this poem today and it just felt like a reflection of the week so I am sharing it here.

I am sending blessings out to all of you dealing with loss of any kind, separations from those we love, and all the pain that comes with those life experience. We are not alone.

"My life closed twice before its closure"
Emily Dickinson

My life closed twice before its close-
It yet remains to see
If Immortality unveil
A third event to me

So huge, so hopeless to conceive
As these that twice befell.
Parting is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell.

*Note: I forgot to check the Poetry Thursday prompt before I posted this. Oops!! As I said to Lynn, what a downer I am compared to all this life-affirming sexual poetry!! Ce la vie.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Self portrait Tuesday


Another self portrait in painting as emotion. This is another painting for my show, it is ALMOST done!!! I have spent all week, 8-11 hours a day working on it.

This show has taken a ton of time and energy for me to produce fewer pieces than I would usually do in the same ammount of time. I think it is because of the heavy emotional content of the works and their meanings, it is hard to be to productive when you are in the thick of the process. The show is a reflection of a journey of self discovery, analysis and putting myself back together that I have been on since my dad died last year. It has been an intense place to spend so much time, a heavy place, sometimes a light place when memories arise but always a loving place.

I hope you enjoy the painting!

Monday, July 17, 2006

Some days you are just stuck in the muck!




Today is one of those days for me. I think there is just too much on my mind, too many things to do, too many changes on the horizon and truth be told, too many things out of my control.

A few days ago, my husband got the green light on his African project. We are definallty going and it looks like we will be leaving next July. Exactly one year away. One year seems to pass by like the blink of an eye. I have really wanted this to go through for him and his career, for the people we can help and for the experiences I know we will all have. Intellectually I realize that this is a huge adventure and will have many positive outcomes.

Intellectually, I get it. My heart however, is a slow learner.

I am having a love affair with my life here, life is good here and it will be difficult to leave. I love our home; it is such a sanctuary to me. I walk in and feel myself relax and soothed like the comfort of an old friend. I am having fun creating our garden and I am delighted to see it’s blooming. I water ever morning and look at the plants checking for new growth, weeding and planting new flowers. I have friends I love and have made several new ones recently that I adore. I have a running group and a gym I love…always helpful! My glorious studio where the space is all mine and safe and full of inspiration. My family is here; we are living in the same city with the majority of our family for the first time in 5 years. It will be so hard to leave them again. It has been wonderful for my son to be near his grandparents and great for his parents to have such support.

I am feeling…to be honest I don’t really even know how to articulate the conflicting emotions rolling over me. I know it is based in fear. I am not really afraid to live in Africa, although I know there are risks and dangers involved. I think what I really fear is how my life will change. How will my career survive? Will this be good for us all as a family?

I am not one of those women that can be content with following my husband around without something for myself. Something to help me feel worthy, productive, fulfilled.

Today, on this gray Northwest morning, I am feeling contemplative, fearful, and a little sad. The picture was taken on our trip to England, it is in the Lake district. The waterfall was beautiful, flowing, cleansing, healing, life giving. It felt like a good photo to use.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Happy Birthday


Happy Birthday baby, I love you!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Self portrait Tuesday



This is a self portrait as a painting, the painting is of an emotion. It is about the dance we do with the emotion as we process it. You begin the journey in one place and are spun through different phases along the way. In this case, this is about grief, sadness and the way it moves you. I have posted this painting in progress and it is pretty much done now. I have to do a few finishing touches here and there but otherwise, it's done. I am getting ready for my show next month so I am trying to complete everything. Yikes!

Monday, July 10, 2006

home at last



Carved faces on the bridge in Paris.

Amazing graffiti in Paris
I am tired today but it’s the good kind of tired. It is the tired that comes from full days of exploring and nights of indulgence. We are home from our trip to England and France. It was glorious spending days exploring the streets of Paris and finding those little places to make our own and nights of great food and wine. The last time we went to Paris we did all those touristy things you feel you must do the first time you go. This time we found OUR Paris. The little alleyways, shops and cafés that spoke to us, such an amazing city!!

The last time we went to Paris we were told by a friend to go to a restaurant called Willie’s Wine Bar. We went again this trip and I think it is a new tradition! If any of you are ever in Paris, you MUST go!! Amazing food, great wine and the staff is so knowledgeable about paring great wines with your food choices. They hire artists to create posters for them every year and they are great! I am always a fan of people who hire artists ☺ We spent three hours over lunch enjoying several courses and many wines and meeting fellow lunchers (I think I just made that word up).

The Tate Modern, my favorite museum in London. I hope to show here one day :)
While in London I was blessed to get to meet Susannah and Meg. We had an amazing day shopping, eating and drinking our way through Soho and affirming a connection that began here. It was so wonderful to look at their beautiful faces and feel like I had known them for years. It was one of the highlights of the trip for me and I can’t wit to see you two again! Susannah took this picture (my camera battery died right as I went to take a picture, nice!) and I know she posted it on her blog but I just had to re-post it.

After spending time in two of the most amazing cities in the world, we headed north to the picturesque English countryside, the England of storybooks and literature. We met some friends in Sheffield and headed out on a glorified pub-crawl that began in the Lake District, went through the Yorkshire Dales (they made me think of Wuthering Heights and the Hound of the Baskervilles with their moors and morning fog) and stretched to the east coast in Whidbey and Robin Hood’s bay. The boys were aiming to hit 15 pubs in 6 days; I think out final count was 17.





On our first day in the lakes we hiked through this amazing canyon complete with green mountains, river running through it and more sheep than you can count (there are sheep everywhere in the country…are they everywhere but Manchester and London?). We hiked up the side of a mountain to a cave that would be our logging for the night. It was amazing! Apparently the secret of the cave’s existence has been passed from one local outdoorsmen to another. Our friend looked for it for 12 years before finding it, so we felt very honored to be taken there. The views from the top were amazing and it was a beautiful place to camp for the night.

The following day we spent the night in this great pub, wonderful food, and beautiful location!!! We hiked in the mornings, explored villages and shopped in the afternoons, stopping in the many pubs along the way and have wonderful meals every night.

It just doesn’t get better than having good friends, wonderful surroundings, and great food and wine!! It was a wonderful way to spend three weeks!