Walking the fence

Sometimes I feel like I am walking a fence in my career. The fence I refer to here is the one that separates the two very different worlds of illustration and “fine art”. (For me it is more, it is illustration, clothes and other products…anything I enjoy!) Can you serve two masters? I get hung up on this question and then I get stuck. I feel like I am less of a painter because I am drawn to other things as well.

I appreciate both disciplines and am drawn to work in both but I’m not sure how to precede, how to marry the two. When I was in school, these different camps did not agree on much. In fact they seemed to flat out not like or respect each other. I personally found that sad and took classes in both, had friends in both and enjoyed them both. I try to use them to fill different artistic needs and flex different artistic muscles. Sometimes you want to work on your paintings; sometimes you want to do things that are more illustrative. It is great to have both in my opinion.

I have been holding back attempting to pursue illustration jobs for several reasons. First, I am shy about self-promotion. I HATE that about myself but there it is. I need to get over it but that is easier said than done. Second, I am afraid how it will impact my standing with galleries. Perhaps this is a foolish thing to consider but in an industry that loves to label it scares me.

The world of fine art, which I am much more familiar with, has so many rules and judgments. I feel like if I do certain things I am going to isolate myself from this branch of my career. That scares me because I really value being able to show in galleries and hope to do much more of it! To take that portion as far as I can.

That said I also want to increase my income, work in different types of artistic venues and feel like I am listening to all my artistic voices. I guess I am trying to find my niche.

I know I should just let go and make my art. Be true to my vision. Try not to think about how it will be received, who will see it, if they like it, will it sell? These thoughts can get you stuck in your studio afraid to DO anything. Conversely, if you don’t consider the end result, you end up with tons of work in your studio and no food on your table. You see how I chase my tail around here.

I think that is where I have been…HIDING! I have had such a hard year (losing my dad, moving cross country, learning about moving to Africa, and trying to really figure out my career goals) that I think I have been hiding in my studio just working and licking my wounds. I think un-consciously I thought if I just worked hard it would work itself out. That somehow the answer would just come to me. It really hasn’t worked that way.

The amazing, wonderful and talented Laini said to me, “So much depends on luck, but I have found, for myself, that we have to make that luck.”. Well, it is time for me to get out there and try to do just that. Forget the fears, insecurities and potential results. Just make my art, listen to my inner voices and hop down off the fence onto my very own path.

If any of you have thoughts, ideas, advice I’d love to hear it!!! Does anyone else struggle with this??