Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Raw



I know I have posted a picture of this work in progress before but it felt right for today's post.
Sometimes I feel ill equipped to be living in this world. Like a turtle with out its’ shell, exposed and vulnerable. I am bare to the elements, the sun burns my skin, and the wind chills me to the bone.

I think I have been spending too much time in the studio alone. I have been so busy creating: painting for my upcoming show, trying new techniques for illustrations, sewing clothes for my website, making jewelry…I have been in another place. Living in my own little bubble, always a little scary. Sometimes when I spend an unusually large amount of time creating, painting in particular, I find it more difficult to resurface. To join the world and function as a human must in the world. My head feels like it is floating up in another space and my body is left to fumble around, not quite right.

My sensitivity is also heightened during these times leading to the vulnerable turtle feeling.

I am in a place where everything hurts and feels huge. Where I am feeling bruised by others and like I am doing unintentional bruising myself. Perhaps it’s the rainy weather or hormones or the fact that I am stressed about my to do list. Or perhaps I am not handling the real sad things that have been happening with an increased frequency lately as well as I thought. Maybe I am getting messages that I have not been facing some real emotions, grief, loss, abandonment. Or maybe I am afraid to send my creations out into the world to be judged and possibly rejected. I have been loving and nurturing them and I am not sure they could handle it.

Everything feels hard today from driving to painting. I am failing at all my tasks.

I wonder if everyone has moments where they feel the same?? Do you question your abilities and your strength?

I am going to try to sooth my spirit today. I am going to go for a long run in the rain, get my toes done, play a game with my son and head back out to the studio to paint, and hide and spill it all out onto canvas.

My website has a bunch of new goodies in the boutique. I will share it with you first; I don’t think I send it out further yet. Here are a few pictures of what you will see…


5 Comments:

Anonymous amystery said...

oh sweet thing, I completely relate. There are days I feel just too sensitive to exist, as if I don't even have skin covering my body. That last top is so beauitful, it just screams summer days!

9:25 AM  
Blogger M said...

I can completely relate- those days when you are caught between a need to scream with frustration or cry in exhaustion. When everything feels hard or impossible or too much. I'm sending you big hugs and positive vibes and hope you know how much your words and images mean to me when I come to your blog.
I love your new pieces, especially the top!! And your plans for the day sound like they will help a lot- I hope you're feeling better soon!

9:44 AM  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

i have these days too friend. most of the time i want to run from them instead of sit with them until they pass. i love that you are going to do some things this afternoon to nourish your soul. every bruised soul needs that little bit of extra special attention.

11:58 AM  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Yes! I do have these moments. Often I have to admit.

Hope the run in the rain helped wash some of it away.

Sometimes it is painful to see certain things about myself and my actions, which make me feel so vulnerable. I try to remind myself that I can't change it until I see it.

6:38 AM  
Anonymous annax said...

You have such a lovely way of expressing what you are feeling. So much was as if I had written it myself. Making me feel normal, somehow. I think I paint to say all the things I can not find words for. I have never been strong with words, since english is not even my native language, and to read your post was to feel connected. Thank you for that.

10:15 AM  

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