Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Self portrait Tuesday- "With someone"

This is a photo taken of my husband Taylor and me in a cave in the lake district of England. We recently spent a wonderful night drinking wine tucked away in our hidden camping spot with friends. I wish we were back there tonight.

My husband left this morning for Africa for a month. I am missing his terribly all ready. I have not spent more than 7 days apart from him in over nine years. It is so strange to think that I will not even be able to even speak to him; I don’t even have an emergency contact phone number!! I will have to content myself with emailing him and hoping he will be able to email me too.

The distance makes me feel very panicky. I worry that something might happen to him as his drives around the country setting up medical clinics. What if something happened to him and I couldn’t get to him? It is a horribly powerless feeling. I know that it is not entirely rational. Ever since my dad passed away while I was out of the country I feel worried when I am far away from loved ones. I have nightmares when on vacation that terrible things are happening to friends and family at home. I do my best to intellectualize the emotions when they arise but no matter how much I understand them I still FEEL them.


Blogger Susannah said...

oh sweetie, sometimes we just can't intellectualise our emotions cos they're so bloody big and overwhelming! Taylor will be protected while is is away from you, but i know you will worry. this month will fly by and you will be receiving him back in your arms before you know it. in the meantime you'll have all of us looking after you :-) an email's on its way baby xx

2:22 AM  
Blogger Misty Mawn said...

oh, My heart aches for you. I know what it is like to miss someone so much that it feels like pieces of my heart are missing, too, while apart.
All I can say is keep busy, turn up the music, & dance and sing along. I hope the time flies for you and soon enough you will be in each others arms agin! xoxo
Beautiful picture!

5:55 AM  
Blogger Bohemian Girl said...

oh my love. i am so sorry you have to endure this. Sus is right. we are all here, circling you, lifting you up to help get you through this.

your feelings are heard.
they are felt.
they are validated by us.
they are honored.

you and Tay will feel one another's strength, even in the distance and that will keep you feeling held until you are in his arms again.

i am here if you need me, my dear, doing what i can to help the time go faster.

love you.

10:28 AM  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

we're here! ask for what you need...we are your community.

fear/worry may not be rational but that doesn't make it any less real...i know what you're saying...

1:19 PM  
Blogger M said...

I get the same way - even when someone just goes out of town or something, I worry. It's hard, isn't it!!?
I'm sure he will be fine and this will bring a whole new level to your relationship I'm sure. Time for love letters and cheesy emails!! One month will fly by, I promise. My love and I have spent months apart at a time due to being from different countries, and it's brutal, but time will not stop. He will be home before you know it!

1:23 PM  
Blogger gkgirl said...

this would be so hard,
i could not even
imagine myself into your place.

sending you both the best of luck
and a listening ear.

6:21 PM  
Blogger Georgia said...

Being apart is so hard:( I am sorry. You two look awefully good together though:)

10:39 PM  
Blogger Laini Taylor said...

Letha, I feel for you. I haven't been away from Jim for more than a few days, either. You'll get through it okay, and the reunion will be wonderful! (By the way, congrats on your show! The pictures look great down below.)

5:24 PM  
Blogger liz elayne said...

Yes, we can't intellectualize the feelings away. They are what makes us unique...who we are...
I haven't been without Jon for more than a week either and can only imagine how you must be feeling my dear.
I am here...whenever you want to chat, call in the middle of the night, whatever you need my friend.
love and big, big hugs to you,

8:29 AM  
Blogger megg said...

Oh baby, i HEAR YOU! A large part of my life involves missing someone. No matter where I am someone I love is so so so far away. I live in a perpetual fear of loss. If you ever need to talk to someone who KNOWS - I'm here.

What everyone else says: Let us cradle you and be your support. Love LoVe lOvE TO you!!!!!


12:58 PM  
Blogger Madeleine said...

you're right, that as much as we try to rationalise any thoughts or feelings we have, we still feel them. but our emotions as important as they are for us can be so overwhelming sometimes, can't they?
he will be safe. you and your loved ones will all be safe.
he will home before you know it, my love.
being parted from loved ones is so tough, but you have good friends i know who will get you through it.

lots of love to you.
you are a strong and brave woman.

10:23 AM  
Blogger kelly rae said...

i'm the same way. i'm a huge worrier and i tend to be a fatalistic thinker. i know it's not rational, but it still feels awfully REAL. i've been known to call search and rescue when john is late arriving home from a day of backcountry snowboarding!

i was thinking of you today. may i ask for your address? i have somthing to send you..

4:51 PM  
Blogger b/sistersshoes said...

Wow sweet girl, not an easy thing to do...being away from the hubs for so long

think on the good, my love, and write out how you feel, we will be here to hear you and offer you some lovins when you need it :)

love to you

9:50 PM  

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