A place to start

The beginning has always been the most difficult part of any process for me. The first sentence of a paper, the opening lines of a story, and introductions to new people all set my brain spinning and my inner critic to ranting. Starting a painting is the same way. In the idea phase I am full of inspiration and motivation. I can’t wait to finish building, stretching, and priming the frame so I can get painting. Then I stare at the big white canvas, feel the tension begin to rise and…gulp…start.

Of all my many beginnings, this is amongst the scariest. That is just insane I know. I try to tell myself that no lives will be lost if I post something insane or poorly written. Yet my fears run away with me and my inner critic taunts me. I doubt that anyone will want to read what I have to say, fear that people will think that I am full of myself for writing and feel the insecurities about the way I write.

Thank GAWD for friends. When you are down, the tribe gathers and reminds you they are there. The beautiful and talented Denise of Bohemian Girl Designs has been my friend for years (since 5th grade science camp to be precise). She has always inspired me with her wit and wisdom oh and that beauty. She has been encouraging me to start a blog for a long time.

This year has been one of transitions for me and the next year and a half are looking to be full of more beginnings and changes (including a move to Africa, more on that later I’m sure). In the last year we/I have: tried to process the loss of my father, moved from Denver back to Seattle, had to restart my career in a new city (tricky for an oil painter), make new friends, find my son a school and all the many things one does with a major move and a family (while knowing I have an even bigger move in my near future). I am tired! Like most of us, when I am feeling tired and emotionally raw, I also feel really vulnerable. It has been a scary thought to begin something else.

Yet, I have missed my art community, a great tribe that shares fears, rejections, victories, ideas, encouragement and support. Denise has shared so much about how she has found that here and encouraged me to do the same.

So,
at last,
I am starting